It is a proven fact that DJ XSV is the most widely recognized public figure in the history of mankind. He has been noted for his contributions to not only music and entertainment, but also the civil rights movement, the education system, 3rd world politics, time travel, alternate energy, and wildlife preservation. At the tender age of 7, XSV invented the turntable as well as the refrigerator, microwave, oxygen, and sex. After a short stint at a Buddhist monastery where XSV meditated while holding his breath for 33 straight days with no food or water, XSV returned to the lab and created one of his most notable inventions … side boob! … (You’re welcome fellas!) Though some have commented on DJ XSV’s Kanye West-like ego saying “he thinks he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread,” XSV merely finds it amusing that he in fact invented sliced bread. While writing his own biography in the third person, XSV quotes himself saying, “Ive always had a passion and talent for music.” But for DJ XSV, that is only the tip of the cliché iceberg. He’s also said things like, “We looked good out there. Hopefully we can keep it up in the second half and walk out of here with a win,” and “I’m going to Disneyland.” Who knows what the future holds for DJ XSV? Well, for one, he does. For centuries he has exhibited prophetic abilities. He even trained the 16th century French predictor Nostradamus. For those of you who don’t have the same reservoir of impressive inventions, contributions, talent, and foresight as XSV, you’ll just have to wait and see what is next for him.

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